Hey guys. It's been two years or so now, we're past the halfway point of assignments for this semester and I thick it's time to reminisce of the good ol' times - if you can call them that. For those of you who don't know, Big Kahuna (as he will be known - Big meaning fat, not cool or pimp material in any way) was my best friend, until of course he evolved into a fucktart. To cut things short, after boarding together for a while with him and his now ex-girlfriend (because she finally woke up to herself) to study in the city, things turned sour. Lets just say he decided to have a hissy fit and came out with claims that I had never done anything to help around the house, that my girlfriend was over too much and that he and his bitch were going to move out on their own somewhere (most likely because he didn't have enough fuck time and wasn't able to get jiggy on the lounge room couch like he most obviously wanted).

Well let's first establish a few facts. Yes, I didn't do much around the place. Nor was I at any level which you could call perfect health. Lets just say I had a largely inflamed digestive system, was loosing a lot of blood internally, was highly deficient in iron which any doctor would tell you makes you extremely tired (the normal required level spans between 10-33 - mine was 1-2), was in pain after eating and generally had to visit the bathroom 10+ times a day. Medical problems aside, it is important to point out here too that even though he had a problem about me not doing anything, he didn't exactly bring it to my attention in the form of words at any time until just before he wanted to leave, instead, he decided to treat me and my girlfriend like shit for months for no reason. It may surprise you, but I can't mindread dickhead. So, as it can be seen, I was not exactly in any position to be able to help out as much as I would have liked, or physically could if I tried for that matter, and that's provided if I even knew.

This guy, who was meant to be my best friend, of course didn't give a shit about me, despite my medical problems - in fact, he decided to fuel the severity of them by putting me in such a stressful situation. Although I didn't complain about my illness and kept it to myself, he knew I was sick, but obviously didn't care, nor did he check to see if I was ok at any stage. I believe once he asked my parents if I was ok when I was gone for a week, which they replied "umm, not really". Newsflash dickhead - I was almost at the point of having to have most of my large intestine removed, because it was making me that sick. I was up to the eyeballs in medication, had no doctor at the time who really gave a rats arse about keeping my disease under control, and at the same time, I was trying to finish assignments to pass my classes... which I might add have been extremely decent grades in my opinion considering the circumstances - and I've lasted way longer than you fuckstick - you couldn't even cut a month of university, and it wasn't like your classes were difficult anyway. You were singing a completely different tune months earlier, saying that it was your "big dream" to become a teacher. Ha! I have education students in some of my justice classes, and let me tell you, they're a joke - they think they can hand assignments in whenever, and think a flu constitutes getting an extension... trying having your arsehole bleed non-stop, taking tablets that make you queasy and having to be hospitalised several times a year, then come back to me for sympathy you pathetic lazy bunch of dick eating wankers...

Then of course he made it his mission and main priority to make me look bad and him the good guy, especially to all of our closer friends. He tried to establish this as quickly as possible, starting with ranting at a bowling night he had with a small group of friends, which I believe were Rob, Hux and Mick. He also made claims to his ex-girlfriend of the time (that he always used to have a cry to), otherwise known as Mel, saying that "mommy does everything for me and that I can't do anything for myself". Well if you call having your sheets taken to be washed every few weeks and having food bought to avoid you having to buy everything yourself, then I'm guilty as charged. Wow. Big deal mate. You're just jealous because your dick of a mum doesn't give a shit about you (and rightly so), and you want to make out that you're just the big man (no way in relation to his penis - it has difficultly challenging a bean) who is hard done by. Go to hell dickhead.

If any of you guys from the old school group are reading this, you've obviously no doubt been swayed by the Big K and his conniving attitude, and you all know of his "I'm always right" religion, which he's been part of since the beginning of time. To my recall, it's the cult of Fucktartism. Well, as usual, there are two sides to every story, and this story is no exception. Because he turned all of you against me, I have obviously not been in a huge amount of contact, and as you can see, rightly so. Nothing personal fellas, it's just that I want to move on a tad from school and get away from all the Kahuna crap, which he has no-doubt brainwashed you all with. I'll still happily have a chat with you in the street or whatever, but as for K - lets just say I wouldn't be caught giving him my shit in a pretty box with a bow as a present. He's not worthy.

While we're speaking about facts, lets talk about how he treats his women. Although K and his girlfriend "Nads" were supposably in a joint decision about moving, not more than a few days earlier, she brought me aside to tell me that she was worried about K in regard to how he wasn't happy and wanted to move, and that she didn't want to move because she liked the area and the house, and she was close to school and her best friend there. So why then did he say to me a few days later, "Me and Nads have decided that we're going to move"? You fucking lire - she didn't want to move at all. And hey, lets not forget about your screaming fights at all hours of the morning, or the time I got you and Nads back together after one of your childish fights. For the record, I only got you fucks back together so that I could continue to live where I was living for a while longer, so it didn't put me out having to find another place so quickly. Suck my dick fuckstain.

In addition, Nads has told me on several occasions that K had called her a dog, a bitch and a number of other obscenities on a regular basis. Well, I don't think that's a very nice way to talk to your girlfriend, but hey, what can you expect from someone who's grown up in a broken family? He even made the poor girl drive him home from one of her friend's parties once, even though she didn't even have a learners, because he purposely got drunk because he didn't like the people. No wonder Nads has recently put on weight and taken up smoking. Wow man, I wanna be just like you. To top it off, he has even been known to have his mum help fight his fights for him, because he couldn't work things out with Nads himself. What a sissy! I can see how that relationship lasted a long time. A whole one-year and half, two tops. Clap... clap.

Of course, there's other stuff too, which I'll happily go into. Nads reported to me that he had a slutty attitude at parties, letting girls touch him on the leg and what not while she was around and which he knew made her jealous, and he would often become bashful around his female "friends" (like Fabiana) at university, which he obviously wanted to fuck. Then there was the mysterious hairclip that Nads found in her and K's bed - a hairclip that didn't belong to Nads. Get over yourself mate - the only girls that go for you are either underage and misguided or fucked in the head, and believe me, your "chicks" (as you like to call them) are not hot. And lets not forget you only go for virgins, because you're worried about disappointing someone who's most obviously had better. Did I mention he coerces underage girls to have sex with him? If there were any justice (and there isn't), he'd go to jail for statutory rape... although he'd like being bummed in the showers anyway, so it wouldn't really be a punishment now would it? I pity all the poor souls who have had him as their first. At the very least he should have to subsidise their counselling bills.

The final straw of course was when he claimed my newly acquired and only proper girlfriend I have ever had (who is gorgeous by the way), was over too much. Well, lets reflect. For the first time, I was in a new town hours away from home, living with others who obviously had a problem with me - why do you think I had her over all the time? Maybe if you acted like you were supposed to - a friend, you would have given me the support I needed to get through the whole experience, just like I gave you on a number of occasions rather than me having to look elsewhere. Instead (and this is no surprise to those who know him), you only thought about yourself and your needs, and as long as you were happy, you didn't give a fuck about anyone else. If you have a problem with me, fine you fat fuck, but don't you dare badmouth my girlfriend - she was only there because I asked her over, not because she decided to just turn up. Then he had the nerve to say that "well, I don't have my cousin James over all the time". Well, unless you have a sexual attraction to your cousin, I hope you don't have him over all the time either. I wouldn't put it past him though - he reportedly loves the blowfish and deep-throat anal.

You also claim she was a freeloader. Well, if you call using the shower once a day and eating my food equate to her being a freeloader, then you really are completely screwed in the head. Lets remember, you and your bitch had 2+ showers a day - I was merely getting my money's worth, and second of all, having my girlfriend sitting there watching TV with me doesn't magically use more electricity. You may think it does with your undeveloped and weed fucked brain, but it doesn't. What does waste more electricity is having your plethora of electrical appliances including stereo, 2 TV's, DVD and gamecube on all the time or on standby, and lets not forget your old ATX style computer with the big fucking keyboard port which you'd leave on at all hours of the night because you didn't turn it off, which would have chewed through power like there's no tomorrow. And you left it on heaps of times you fucking dick sucker - don't fucking deny it. I live in a house now with more people and our electricity bill is far less than when I was living with you, and they're at home more of the time and we have more appliances. So if that's the case, how could have I been the power leech you so thought I was? What a cunt. Geez you're stupid. You always had an unfounded problem with my girlfriend since day one, but it's obviously apparent that you're just jealous because Rae has more personality, intelligence and talent in her than you can fit into one of your fucktart partners any day. Oh, and in you too, you lying, cum-drinking dog's arse.

So where is the Big K now? Last I heard he was living back in our old hometown with his dad (because his mum obviously can't stand him), and he's working in construction. Good for you mate - a great career choice for the future, just like your previous game arcade job. Geez you're a looser. You have surprised me however - you know, lasting more than a couple of months in the same job and all. It must have been the homosexual culture of the construction industry that drove you to that area of employment and kept you there... and your new boyfriend Lance the tiler is a sexy choice for you - he must man handle you just the way you like it. Respect.

There's obviously a heap of other stuff I could talk about right now, but I'll leave that for another day.

Until next time - peace people, and keep it real. Oh, and don't take shit from dick-fucks.

-J